What a decade!

During my run this morning I was listening to kbul 93.3. They were playing the top forty songs of the last decade. One particular song got me thinking - "There Goes My Life" by Kenny Chesney. I am not sure why it got me thinking, it's not like I haven't heard the song dozens of times before. But, this time it was something different, and I think it has to do with recent changes, and my resolutions for this year. The song caused me to reflect on changes that have occured in the last ten years, while I would like to reflect on all of them, I don't think it's practical for my blog to become an acutal memoir, so I will focus on one significant event that I feel contributed to all the others.

Most people don't know, but when Y2k began I was going through one of the most difficult periods of my life. At the time I was working a dead-end manual labor job, which led to much stress and ultimately - panic attacks. So, here I was celebrating a new millenium in my bed because I had so much anxiety I was afraid to face the world and had developed agoraphobia. While this was a difficult time for me, this is also what caused me to change my life for the better, and I can attribute this time frame to much of my present motivations. This panic ridden period propelled me to make changes in my life, such as go back to school and change jobs, which subsequently led to meeting my lovely wife, and the creation of two wonderful children. While I may have met Stacy even if I was not in college, my guess is that nothing would have materialized had I not been pursuing an education, since she was also pursuing higher education at the time. In addition, when I finally won my battle with panic disorder, it gave me so much confidence that I was willing to attempt anything, i.e., like approaching Stacy in the first place, which is something I was not accustomed to.

While "There Goes My Life" is about the birth of a girl changing a young man's life, this song caused me to think about my youngest daughter, and how she likely would not be here had I not had all of those panic attacks. Thus, although it has taken me ten years to say it...THANK YOU anxiety, you are inadvertantly responsible for the most precious things in my life.