What a decade!

During my run this morning I was listening to kbul 93.3. They were playing the top forty songs of the last decade. One particular song got me thinking - "There Goes My Life" by Kenny Chesney. I am not sure why it got me thinking, it's not like I haven't heard the song dozens of times before. But, this time it was something different, and I think it has to do with recent changes, and my resolutions for this year. The song caused me to reflect on changes that have occured in the last ten years, while I would like to reflect on all of them, I don't think it's practical for my blog to become an acutal memoir, so I will focus on one significant event that I feel contributed to all the others.

Most people don't know, but when Y2k began I was going through one of the most difficult periods of my life. At the time I was working a dead-end manual labor job, which led to much stress and ultimately - panic attacks. So, here I was celebrating a new millenium in my bed because I had so much anxiety I was afraid to face the world and had developed agoraphobia. While this was a difficult time for me, this is also what caused me to change my life for the better, and I can attribute this time frame to much of my present motivations. This panic ridden period propelled me to make changes in my life, such as go back to school and change jobs, which subsequently led to meeting my lovely wife, and the creation of two wonderful children. While I may have met Stacy even if I was not in college, my guess is that nothing would have materialized had I not been pursuing an education, since she was also pursuing higher education at the time. In addition, when I finally won my battle with panic disorder, it gave me so much confidence that I was willing to attempt anything, i.e., like approaching Stacy in the first place, which is something I was not accustomed to.

While "There Goes My Life" is about the birth of a girl changing a young man's life, this song caused me to think about my youngest daughter, and how she likely would not be here had I not had all of those panic attacks. Thus, although it has taken me ten years to say it...THANK YOU anxiety, you are inadvertantly responsible for the most precious things in my life.

Renaissance

This year I have decided to make monumental changes in my life and perspective. As many of you may have also experienced, last year was a difficult one emotionally. There were many changes that occured that were quite stressful. Although many of the changes in my life were due to pleasantries; the birth of Audra, purchasing our first home, starting graduate school. There were also many other experiences that were equally as taxing that were not so pleasant: downfall of the economy, which led to many friends being laid off, and a constant reminder that I too could lose my job at any minute. I wish this last sentiment were not true, but unfortuneately it is reality. Do to this unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach, I have decided to alter my behaviors for this coming year. To do this I felt that a couple changes needed to be made. First, I have stopped drinking alcohol for an indefinite period of time. I feel that by doing this I should have more energy and focus to accomplish my resolutions and maybe even more. Second, I have altered my eating habits. I used to avoid eating vegetables as much as possible. However, this year I am going to be diligent in consuming the recommend amount, the same is true for fruits, I just don't have a difficult time eating them. While these may not sound like such an undertaking, if you know me well you know that I consume 1-2 alcoholic beverages every evening, and rarely eat vegetables. I feel that by accomplishing these two feats I will have more energy and better health to fufill my other 7 resolutions listed on Facebook. If you have not read those resolutions, two of them relate to running (run 2 marathons and 1100 miles), which is why I am addressing these changes here. Therefore, here we go on a new journey, and I intend to make 2010 one of those life-altering years - in a positive way of course.